


A Billion Stars

by artificialmay



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: (((i think it was a long time ago lmao))), Existential stuff, F/F, idk if i actually ever specify their gender in this but i wrote it as a cisgirl au, this is why i shouldn't be allowed to write at 3am
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-22
Updated: 2017-08-22
Packaged: 2018-12-18 15:47:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11877744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artificialmay/pseuds/artificialmay
Summary: I was thinking about the size of the universe, which inspired me to write some existential crisis Witney. Alternatively titled: this is what happens when I write fic at ridiculously early hours of the morning while grappling with my own existence





	A Billion Stars

According to Willam, the night had drawn on far too long. Up all night thanks to the pounding music, excessive alcohol only just beginning to fade and the company he had kept, he knew the sun would soon be cracking over the horizon, and another day would pass.

The passage of time is messed up, thought Willam.

Rolling onto his side on the dewy embankment where he lay and propping himself up on one elbow he looked at the blonde next to him, eyes half closed, makeup smeared, on the cusp of in-drag and out-of-drag, a twilight zone.  
“Do you believe in time?” asked Willam.  
“Do I believe in - what?” responded Courtney.  
“The passage of time. Do you believe in it?”  
“Well, I guess. Jesus Willam, where’d that come from?”  
Willam didn’t know an answer to that question, it was just a question all of a sudden to him. The pause stretched on.  
“I’ve never known you to be a philosophical drunk Willam, please don’t start now,” interjected Courtney, a laugh playing on his lips.

Willam let another moment pass before responding.   
“Just because time is a construct doesn’t mean it’s not real.”  
“Well, yeah.”  
“And its relative, does that scare you? Sometimes it feels like your life will go for a million years and then after the blink of an eye you’re left wondering where the hell an entire decade went.”  
Now it was Courtney’s turn to shuffle to sit up, and she glanced at Willam as the sky began to grey, signalling the imminent sunrise.

“I do understand,” said Courtney quietly. “But you can’t think about it too much, because it messes with your head. You have to stay on Earth, and forget about the rest of the universe.”  
“But it’s hard,” responded Willam simply. “We’re all moving towards death.”  
“Don’t say things like that.”  
“But it’s true Court!”  
“Maybe it is, but it’s unhealthy to dwell on it.”

Willam flopped back onto his back and raised a hand to the sky, which was now pervaded with lilac, as the morning sky preyed upon the night stars.  
“There are more stars in the universe than grains of sand on this planet. The cosmos is so big and beautiful and I can know of it but it will never know of me.”  
A sliver of orange highlighted the skyline.  
“I’m so small and insignificant compared to them.”  
Courtney chuckled softly yet brightly, like the sun that coloured the air buttercup. “You are a star honey. At least you are to me.”  
The night that may have hidden the dishevelled queen’s blush was no longer, and tones of rosy pink illuminated both the sky above and Courtney’s cheekbones. Willam was overcome with a desire to touch both.

“I’m scared, I guess,” he responded, quelling the urge to get closer to Courtney by clasping his hands firmly in front of him.   
“What’s wrong Willam? I thought emotions were for ugly people?” Courtney joked.  
“I’m just scared of being forgotten,” Willam whispered, ashamed of his own words.  
Courtney looked over at Willam with such concern in his eyes that he could feel his stomach swell. Courtney moved his hand to Willam’s entwined fists, and coaxed one free to hold, soothingly massaging the knuckles. Willam’s skin prickled.

“Maybe there’s something way beyond,” replied the other blonde, gesturing vaguely with her free hand before resting it on top of Willam’s hand. “But what matters is what you do now, today. Remember what Gia said: this is the moment that counts.”

Willam stroked the hands encompassing his own with his thumb, and tried to bring his thought back to the here, the now, where he was lying in a public park at crisp dusk, where all that mattered was Courtney, and him, and Courtney pressing his lips to Willam’s hands. He reigned in his thoughts from stars exploded aeons ago, and from the stardust that would one day be the only reminder of the universe, to the little patch of grass, soaking through their dresses. Taking a calming breath he cleared his head, and was pleased to find he was starting to return.

“Thank you for being here, calming me down, I-I’m sorry you had to see me like that,” he stammered, embarrassed.   
“Don’t worry about it,” responded Courtney gently, her soft accent sending another wave of reassurance through Willam. “We all have moments where we touch the void, we just need to remember not to stay there too long. Now come on, we need to leave before that gardener yells at us.”

Still joined to Courtney he stood slowly, and feeling the exhilaration of new hangovers and old regrets rush the blood from his head, Willam grabbed Courtney’s shoulder for support as he stumbled, and they giggled together. Maybe in a mass of burning, brilliant stars light years away that he’d never see, being just as ephemeral as the gas giants wasn’t necessary. Maybe just being with someone he loved was enough


End file.
